Florida seems a great place to pick up tips on being a cool old guy. No matter your actual age, there seem to be experienced mentors everywhere. Here is what I have learned so far.
The hat – Do not wear the bill of your hat flat. Curved is best. The flat bill labels you as dopey or dope or something like that. Do not wear a plain hat. A John Deere hat will make certain everyone knows you are a tourist. I bet most of you thought it was John Dear (I add these insights just to convince you that I really do know these things). I think hats with college logos make you look smarter. One more thing – you do not have to remove your hat when you go inside.
The shoes – White is not necessary and reflects too much light. Sun burn is always a problem. Wear the shoes that look athletic. Do not be concerned you will required to demonstrate the full potential of these shoes – the vast proportion of individuals who purchase them never break into a trot. Who can afford these shoes besides old guys and kids with wealthy parents? Someone has to keep the manufacturers in business.
The cane – The cool cane in the south seems to be a putter. It pretty much sends the signal, my other car is a golf cart. By the way, golf is not actually a sport that requires much mobility. If you can stand upright, your cart will take you to your ball I am also thinking a golf club makes a great weapon just in case one of the local hoodlums attempts to steal that gold chain or fancy watch you are wearing.
Your car – If caught with your minivan, explain you left you main ride up north and you drove the van this trip cause the grandkids are flying down to see Mickey.
The hearing aid – Do not worry if you require amplification. Look for a model with a blinking light and everyone will assume you are using bluetooth. You can embellish the illusion by pretending to click a button on your device and then say random things as if speaking on the phone. If you are clever and think well on your feet (or while sitting), what you say may generate admiration in those within range of your voice. “Yeh babe, I did pick up the wine. I will meet you on the boat.”
Your bike – Bike has nothing to do with peddling or exercise. Bike means motorcycle. If you are ever cornered, just explain that your wife (old lady) will not let you ride without her and she took the key while on a shopping in Europe. To make such excuses more credible, it helps if you invest in one of those chains that secures your billfold to your belt.
You can see I have picked quite a bit in a week. Keep your eyes open – the possibilities for learning are everywhere.