The Curmudgeon Speaks

I have been thinking about the mysteries of life. Why am I here? Where does the universe end? Then there is that strange question about trees falling in a vacant forest. I think this last one is a mystery only philosophers consider.

I can’t say I have been making any progress on these big questions. I have decided I should begin with a lesser challenge and work my way up. So, I have begun thinking about a question maybe only I have asked. I have worked in Corwin-Larimore hall for 30 years or so. For some of this time, I have even been kind of responsible for what happens in this building. Every morning when I walk into this building I look up and say to myself — What is that door doing up there? Was there a grand plan that was never realized? Should I be searching for money to finish this project? Am I liable if someone tries to use that door?

I was watching Good Morning America before coming to work. They offer many segments on healthy living. There was a short news item today about the military being concerned because a substantial proportion of potential recruits (20% if I remember correctly) were enough over weight that they could not be accepted for military training. Military officials were planning to present this problem to Congress and were recommending that school lunches be improved.

So, this is where my sensitivity kicks in. Why was the one suggestion, the one solution that could be imagined to improve adolescent health, focused on a “school problem”? So, the piece of pizza the teenager selected rather than go through the salad line is the source of the health crisis and the two cokes and cheese balls the same kid eats while sitting in front of the television after driving home at the end of the school day is not an issue? Was this the only suggestion the military officials could generate or the only solution the news folks decided to offer as an example?

Maybe educators should be pleased the public expects so much of them. Your kid have a drinking problem or making other poor life choices? Don’t worry, the school should be able to fix it. Is your kid fat? The schools should be able to come up with some magic, one meal a day, health plan. Is your kid harassing other kids from the computer in his bed room? No problem! Educators will create a program to address cyberbullying and counter your disinterest in supervision. It is great to be regarded as “the solution”. I think school boards should print tee shirts for teachers with this short motto – I am THE SOLUTION.

What about an extended school day so that this increasing list of challenges can be fit around the subject matter necessary to qualify the school as meeting standards? Only if teachers are willing to work more hours for the same pay? Really! But school boards and parents, did you like the tee shirt idea? Tee shirts would be cheap.

Just bought BarCode Scanner for my HTC Droid Eris. I can look up consumer opportunities and find the best deal. It turns out that the 9.5 oz. box of Hot Tamales price ranges from $3.00 at Amazon.com to $1.79 from Alwaysdirect.com. I already have two boxes so I should be able to survive until any order I place arrives.

What do you think of the title? My wife says I need a more positive attitude so I am trying. Actually, this is typically not the way things go.

For years, many, many years in fact, I have been plagued by the row of crab apple trees lining our street. These trees are planted on the berm. I never heard of this word before I came to North Dakota either – it is the area in your front yard between the sidewalk and the street. The city seems to own this land, but you have to take care of it. So, if they decide to plant some stupid tree such as the crab apple that has a pretty bloom for a couple of days in the spring and then is good for nothing the rest of the year except leaving this residue of rotting small apples that get smushed and caught in the cleats of your boots so you bring them into the house and then get yelled at, you can do nothing about it. (with apologies to any composition instructor or editor I have ever had)

I guess thinking about it these trees have had an occasional redeeming quality. They do play a prominent role in my recent and popular video short – “A North Dakota Blizzard”.

Actually these trees were not removed because the city realized that crab apples are a stupid and messy tree and an inconvenience to any home owner forced to deal with them. The city decided it had to dig up my front yard to replace some underground pipes and the trees happen to be in the way.

Hey – the stump of that tree seems to contain an image of someone or something. Now, I am going to have to spend the rest of the morning figuring out who or what that is. Maybe this is a sign of some kind. I have decided that it is a map of the Big Island. I am supposed to leave North Dakota and move to Hawaii!!

See, sometimes your problems simply disappear.

It felt strange on campus today. Late yesterday the Board of Higher Education in North Dakota decided to retire the Fighting Sioux logo and nickname. I am still not certain how I as a member of the UND faculty for 30+ years feel about the decision. I guess the one thing that annoys me is when anyone implies that people should not feel bad about the decision. Our individual experiences are part of our personal identities and those of us with this length of commitment are likely to feel like someone has taken a piece of who we think we are. So, while I do not know what the right thing to do was, don’t tell me that I or anyone else should not feel like something has been taken away.

Anyway, perhaps feeling a bit nostalgic, I decided to drive to the arena after work at about 6 to take a picture. I am in this frame of mind thinking about how different people have reacted. I know there have been gatherings. I know stores have sold tens of thousands of dollars of Sioux merchandise. As I walk toward the arena to take my picture for the day, I see people and I see this clown. I am attempting to interpret what this clown is doing there. Was this a comment on the logo decision? Was this an attempt to cheer everyone up? Was this someone mocking those who might be upset?

I noticed that most of the crowd gathering consisted of groups of 6-10 year old kids and a parent. It turns out the circus is in town.

We spent the Easter holiday in Minneapolis. I like Minneapolis a lot. There are many differences between Grand Forks and Minneapolis. The size difference I get. With larger size comes options. There is the Mall of America. I can get by with about one visit to “The Mall” every couple of years. The Twins are a great draw. I even have tickets. There are lots of fine coffee shops, interesting books stores, and people who look different than me. I like that too. However, you don’t need to be any larger than 30,000 or so for a decent bagel shop.

What I can’t figure out is why Minneapolis and nearly every other place I have visited has fresh bagels and Grand Forks does not. The frozen kind you ship in do not count and neither do the soft kind that seems to be some form of donut without the sugar. I am talking the kind you boil and that has a crust. There actually have been a couple of great bagel shops in Grand Forks over the years. I arrived at one on Saturday morning a few years ago and found the front door closed with a chain and padlock. I kind of figured that was the end. There was another shop and it was even owned by lawyers so I thought the chain and padlock was less likely. It just closed. No chain and padlock, but closed just the same.

So, why don’t the fine folks in Grand Forks eat bagels. We have lots of Mexican restaurants even if you don’t count the chain store variety. There are plenty of places to eat steak. We have several Chinese places – even the kind with that big heating surface they throw the stuff on that you pick out yourself. Bagels can’t be that complicated and the modern bagel can be eaten so many ways. There is the traditional way with cream cheese and maybe lox. Or, you can pretty much substitute a bagel for a sub bun and repurpose the offerings at a Subway. I am a big fan of the breakfast bagel (see above).

I thought for a while I might open a nice bagel shop when I retired. It would likely be a bagel/coffee combination with Internet access. I am thinking there is easy money in coffee drinks – the kind that requires heated milk in some form or another. Probably a dumb idea. Maybe I will just move to Minneapolis.